Accept, Acknowledge, Appreciate

I was paging through some old photo albums over the weekend. The real ones – with a weight of significance on the lap and a bodum of freshly brewed Bean There coffee. There is no swiping left or right in the instantaneous ways of immediate gratification we have become used to, but rather a slow and mindful turning over of memories. There is something about the page layout, protected by the laminate film of plastic which adds to the artistry, and I felt myself wading through my own immersion of my past. Out of the more than fifty thick photo albums stored in the garage, I somehow picked one which really made me stop for a while, reflect on the fortune of my life and give thanks to the Universe of exquisite timing.

This volume of my photo albums showed pictures of a trip from another life. It was an adventure in 1997 into the country of Uganda, and a guerrilla like foray into Zaire, which by the time we exited through the border crossing, the stamps on our passport read Democratic Republic of the Congo. Like this country, we too had undergone a change as we met gorillas and guerrillas, and both types provide very different views of the world. It was the first of many exceptional trips we embarked on as a group – all the subjects of many other stories.

What jumped out for me in this case was a mantra we as a group would repeat many times throughout our trips together. It was only three words, but perhaps now more than ever they really resonated with me once again:

Accept, Acknowledge, Appreciate

Sometimes on these trips to far flung places we had to accept things as they were. Delayed flights, closed roads, interesting food and the occasional warm beer. We had to accept that not everyone was helpful in these parts, and that language was often the main barrier. We had to go with the flow sometimes, and that is really an acceptance of the uncertainty along the journey.

We also found that when we acknowledged people or circumstance, we created space to be more mindful. We stopped the clock of the itinerary and carved a slice of time for memory, and as we acknowledged others, it seemed as though the flow was always smoother.

Most of all we pinched ourselves often in the gift of appreciation. To gaze over a family of Mountain Gorillas and avoid the stare of the Silverback invites a moment of intense gratitude, and to walk with Alfred through his impenetrable forest of birds and understand his knowledge and love of every one of them was decorated with the indelible ink of appreciation.

As I sat down to reflect and remember, I found two pieces of research which provided some measurable scientific back up to the esoteric and ethereal energy we so often experienced during these travels.

The first one came from nearly 100 years ago:

"In 1925, Dr. Elizabeth Hurlock conducted a study with a group of fourth and sixth grade math students in the US.  She wanted to see whether their output could be modified, not by the content of the lessons but by the feedback they received as they solved problems.  The control group was praised for their efforts; another was criticized; and a third ignored.  Hurlock measured their improvement by the number of math problems they solved each day.

The results were immediate.  By the second day, the "praised" students dramatically outperformed the rest.  At the end of the five-day study, the results were in: the students increased the number of solved problems in direct relation to the level of encouragement they received.

Praised students: +71%

Criticized students: +19%

Ignored students: +5%.” (Google, Devotionals Dr Elizabeth Hurlock)

The second piece is quoted in Simon Sinek’s wonderful book called ‘Leaders Eat Last’:

“According to a Gallup poll conducted in 2013 called ‘State of the American Workplace,’ when our bosses completely ignore us, 40% of us actively disengage from our work. If our bosses criticise us on a regular basis, 22% of us actively disengage.”

So in other words, harsh criticism works better than blatant ignoring, because at least we feel we exist. Someone has actually acknowledged our presence!

But here’s the kicker:

“If our bosses recognise just one of our strengths and reward us for doing what we’re good at, only 1% of us actively disengage from the work we’re expected to do.”

During these crazy Covid times, perhaps those three words stand out as beacons of behaviour or antennas towards action as we navigate a somewhat stormy sea.

Can I accept the weather of things as they are, not always wish what those conditions could be?

Can I acknowledge the boats of others as we sail this same uncertain sea?

Can I appreciate that my craft is enough, and can I appreciate all who have helped and are still helping me find the music of the deep beneath the noise of the surface?

This week I received my first booking of a face to face team facilitation in over six months.

It was a simple response.

“I accept, acknowledge, and oh boy, do I appreciate.”

Steve Hall